“Margie, my Jimbo’s been acting kind of strange, lately.”
“Oh yeah? What’s been going on?”
“I’m not sure. For the last week, he’s actually made the bed! I go in to take a shower, and the guy has picked up his dirty clothes, shut all his drawers, and made the bed. It’s weird!”
“I’ll say! Can you have him talk to Joe. He hasn’t had a clue for years…”
“And that’s not all. The other day he made the kids’ lunches for school, as well. He even wrote them each a cute little note inside, to encourage them… I just about dropped my teeth on the floor!”
“That’s a shocker, alright. You don’t think he’s having an affair, do you?”
“Nope. I’ve already checked his phone, his email, his clothes, his car – if he were cheating on me, I’d know it. We even went on a date last week. He asked me if I feel cherished?”
“Cherished? What kind of a question is that? What did you say?”
“I told him ‘If you want to make me feel cherished, just put the seat down after you pee!’ tee hee. You know, I think he’s even been doing better at that, too. We’ve got another date planned for day after tomorrow. I wonder what kinda’ silly question he’s gonna ask me then? Say, can I ask you something personal, Marj?”
“Get outta’ here, Sue. We’ve been friends for years. What’s up?”
“I know you guys go to church and all. It’s one of the things that makes you such a good friend. When you and Joe are arguing, has he ever called a time out, taken your hand and asked, ‘Can we pray about this?’ Jimbo pulled that one on me the other day, and I’ve got to tell you, it just about melted my heart.”
Margie wiped a tear from her cheek. “Are you kidding me? That’s crazy cool, Sis. Nope. In sixteen years of marriage, Joe’s never once tried that. What happened next?”
“Well, nothing, really. We both began to see the thing we were fighting about was actually pretty small potatoes. I think it changed both our perspectives a bit. We hugged it out and got back to doing life together. Come to think about it, that’s kinda’ what’s been going on. We’ve just been getting better at doing life together. It’s almost like we’re doing life with each other instead of doing it to one another. It feels like a breath of fresh air has blown through our marriage.”
“Hey Sis, would it be okay if I borrowed Jimbo from you for a few days?” She winked. “He needs to start spending more time with Joe!”
Does your wife feel cherished? Are you nurturing her, like she nurtures your kids and/or you? What are the things she wishes you would ‘get’ or understand about her? Take the time to do these few, simple things and watch it make a HUGE difference in your relationship! Let’s get started.
- Are you submitted to God? Are you submitted to your wife? Submission is a key principle in relationships. Consider others as more important than yourself. Jesus was submitted to his Father in all things. Let he who is greatest among you be servant to all. If we’ve asked Jesus to be Savior, have we not also yielded to Him as LORD? If He is not LORD of all, is He LORD at all? Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. ~ Ephesians 5:21
- Ask. Seek. Knock. Have you asked God, or your wife, what it is that makes her feel cherished? Did you listen and take notes? Have you put what you heard into action? Study your wife, intently, like you used to. This says to her, “You matter to me. You are important!” Your attitude is everything, here. Are you asking and doing this out of obligation or duty, or because you delight to cherish her in this way, as God’s Beloved? Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. ~ Ephesians 5:25
- Are you doing marriage with your wife, or to your wife? Are you a participant around the house and with the kids, or are you checked out? Does your wife know you have her back? Her work day does not finish when she clocks out from her job. Does yours? Are you handling your home as diligently as you are pursuing your career? What does your quarterly evaluation reflect as CEO of your family’s spiritual health? How would God have you improve in nurturing your family toward spiritual excellence? As you sow, so shall you reap…
- Does your wife have an appointment on your calendar? Is it prioritized above everything else? Make and keep a date with her every week. It does not have to be extravagant, or expensive, but it must be written in stone! These dates can ONLY be broken with your wife’s hearty approval, not simply with her reluctantly given permission. If she doesn’t think there’s a more important thing going on, than there isn’t! It doesn’t get any simpler than that.
- And we saved the best for last. When conflict arises, (and it will…) how do you respond? Try this one on for size: Call a time out. Take her by the hand, and ask, “Can we invite the LORD into this situation?” Then pray together. Submit the matter to God and wait upon His resolution. Then, be prepared for Him to transform your heart rather than expecting Him to change your wife’s mind on the matter. In truth, God will do both, but your main concern must be about the work He’s doing in you, not what’s going on in her. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives. ~ James 4:2-3
Remember, we have an enemy who wants to destroy whatever God has ordained – our marriage, our children, our family. He will do anything to distract you from doing this task well. Spiritual battles are not won through human effort. Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you! Come near to God and He will come near to you. ~ James 4:7-8
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